hello!

This morning wasn’t unlike most others when I work breakfast service at the hotel by the airport. Except that i ended my shift in tears of happiness. i clocked out feeling more encouraged ad refreshed than i have in recent memory.

Cheeseburger mike was up to his same shenanigans, lovin his life of thuggery, seeing how many times he can consecutively play his Eminem cd in a 4 hour shift… Such is life at the hotel kitchen. Businessmen politely, impatiently enjoying the breakfast I bring them… Such is life waiting tables. Then I recognized the frizzy salt and pepper hair I could make out by the bright backlit window.

“good morning, Paul!” I remembered having some wonderful exchanges with this guest on his last visit to our fair city.

Delightfully surprised someone remembered him (and at such an early hour), he paused and said, “oh hello! made anything new, my talented artist gal?” now I was delighted that he remembered me! We’d exchanged links to our respective musical and visual art projects after our first meeting. In his email, the signature after his name read “professional human being.” this man is a breath of sweet, fresh air. Though we hadn’t stayed in touch, I’m glad we stayed in each others memories. “so,” he asked when everyone else had gone and I was removing the remnants of his meal, “what have you made lately?”

“just some big changes in my life these days. Attempting to master the art of life, I guess?” he smiled at my reply and asked for the specifics. I told him about my new job working with volunteers at the regional food bank, about getting a new roommate and cleansing my house.

“well good for the city!! They need people who want to work with other people. Someone who realized the impact of their efforts. You’re sustaining lives. It’s all going to come back to you. You’re investing in life. How good for your city, and good for you!” just what you’d expect to hear from a professional human. Then I told him I’m continuing to invest in myself, keeping up with the good food and plenty of healthy playtime (because why exercise when you can actively play?). The last thing I mentioned was how happy it made me to adopt a stray dog a couple days ago.

“I had planned to get some kind of German Shepard later on in the year, but this one just showed up. He followed me around, played well, came when I called. He’ll sit for me, act protective of me, and yelp when I leave. I can’t believe I found such a great dog! Its funny to me how something so simple as adopting a pet could lift me up so much.”

He replied, “correction - you attracted him. And you’re caring for a different type of life than human. This life gives you different satisfaction because it makes different demands that are seemingly ‘easier’. It’s all a reminder that you still matter and your work is important. Good job, girl. Keep up the good work.”

My hear overflowed into my eyes. Happiness and goodness abound.

some people read horoscopes, others look to the bible for inspiration.

me? i listen to the little tag of paper on the end of my tea bags.

it all serves the same purpose - we seek wisdom from the writings of someone who doesn’t know us, but has us in mind.

yesterday, both of my tea bags said the same thing:

“the beauty of life is to experience yourself.” 

the black and white tag left me thinking about everything that the human experience has to offer.  i pondered what i have already encountered (the people, the scenes, the tragedies and victories) and marveled at everything i’ve seen and done so far.  i’ve still got plenty left to do, but so far, i’m pleased with what i’ve been able to accomplish.

recently, i was talking to a dear one about staying in at home versus going out and socializing. “i’m just afraid i’m missing out, he said.”  i couldn’t help but chuckle a little.  ”often when i’ve gone out, i’ve had remorse over what i’ve missed out on by not being at home.”  instead of going out to experience other people, i wished i had invested more time in experiencing what ever it is that i want to.  making music, playing games, or creating works from my home studios… it’s all within me.  and i am so fulfilled by taking the time to experience the language of music, the stimulation from playing a game, or the satisfaction of manifesting an idea into a visible, tangible creation.

yesterday as i was on my way to work, i stopped by a park.  the heated breeze whipped my hair and face as i couldn’t help but run.  i remembered the days that i struggled to walk again.  and now i’m racing around outside, playing a game with myself.  happier and healthier than i ever have been before.

when you believe in yourself, your stock only goes up. 

experience yourself.  you.  explore who and what you are.  it’s beautiful.

my medical bill is almost paid in full.

almost.

this same debt collector has been calling me monthly, always speaking softly, always kind and slightly nervously, no matter how many ways i told him i couldn’t pay him, call me again in two weeks…

today when we spoke over the phone, Dwayne started the call with, “miss youngblood, you’ve done so well with your payments.  you’ve taken it from $xxx down to just the last $xxx! you’ve been through a lot, kristi, and i’m proud of you for doing what you can.  you’re doing so great, conquering all your giants.  it’s been hard for everyone, and you’re no exception.  so what can you do today to help knock out this account?”

i told him what a difference it made to me that he was consistently so kind, and today his encouragement was ever so greatly received.

we conducted our business and he responded, “great.  and hey, since you’re writing down that confirmation number, here are a couple of books that i’ve recently been working through that have made a big difference for me.”

i didn’t want to loose it.  i wrote it on my hand.  then found both of the titles as free ebooks.  

sometimes, the best messages come from unlikely messengers.  i’m just glad i got the message.

It comes, it goes.
It ebbs, it flows.
Creativity appears and hides.
Inspiration is all around, it is just up to us to have the eyes to see it.

Recently I’ve been teaching and training myself to take the time for myself.
If I do not invest in myself, how can I possibly expect anyone else to put stock in me and what I do?

Yeah, I’m a full time worker with a part-time job, scraping by to pay the bills… That’s not living, chasing the almighty dollar. Living is discovering what brings fulfillment and ascribing significant meaning to action. Though I’m not fulfilled by my day job, I’m glad to have SOME sense of stability.

Last week, I flat out broke down.
Hyperventilating, keeled over…
I will only survive if I can manage myself amidst the madness.

Nothing will get done unless i do it.
Essentially.

It is what I make of it!!

So the other day when I looked into my eyes I saw a light that has been missing.
I took the time to take care of myself and learned to not feel guilty about it.
For the first time in 5 months, I had a day completely off from my usual 70hrs. of working on someone else’s clock.
After I got over my feeling of guilt for enjoying my life, I had a wonderful time.
I was refreshed.
And it reminded me why I’m slaving away.
I work to live.
I live to create.

i’m kind of excited about life these days.

i feel like i’m at the point in the roller coaster

the point after which you’ve been anticipating the climb… the education, the experimentations, the investments… 

the point where all the world is a stage and the curtain is up, and the lights are on, and the cameras are rolling…..  i find myself knowing that all of my experiences have led me where i am.  a great number of people have invested in and prepared me.  now it’s time for me to do my thing!!  but…what is that, exactly?  or even vaguely?!  i may not have an exact idea, but i know that all i can do is my best.

when i started teaching at harding last semester, it delighted me to see throughout the school posters that say “do what you can with what you have where you are.”  and with that in mind, i’ve been enjoying filling my days with creating.  painting, music, throwing pottery — living the dream!  if only i can figure out how to get this operation off the ground and paying my bills… (all in due time, i know.  rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will my empire rise that quickly)

so i’ve been hard at work in the studio!  here’s a sample of my latest mug and saucer thrown by my own hands in rojo cinco!!  

please stay tuned for more…  the best is yet to come!!

i was never really sure how/when/where/why to start a blog. involving technology in my life in general is a block i’m trying to overcome.  but hey, everyone does it, and i’m kind of at risk of becoming roadkill on this information superhighway. if i can’t keep up, i’ll be trampled!  so here we go, welcome to my humble little section of the internet.

i don’t really have a grand mission statement or opening speech. however, i can offer a pleasant thanks for checking out what i do, and maybe learning a little bit about me.

as the days and pages go on, from time to time i’ll be using this space to share from my thoughts, heart, mind, or otherwise.  please feel free to share with me, or simply just say hello!!

as the days get closer and my stacks of flyers get smaller, i hope you’ve made plans to come to the opening reception for my first big show! the show will run from november 20th through most of the month of december, if you would like to come check it out but cannot attend opening night.

(friday november 20, 7-9pm @ the show gypsy, 63 + western in the nichols hills plaza)

this year i have recruited the aid of two of my favorite cameras to join me on a film study. we traveled from underground to the bowling alley, capturing images with varying exposures film types, cross-processing, and enjoying other fun versatile effects achievable with film.

monica is a red holga, a 120mm format camera with a plastic lens and an adventurous personality.  she and i met on my first trip to california this year!  we’ve been nearly inseparable ever since.

minister, featured on my “hello” posters around town, was made in japan circa the 1960s.  this 35mm madman.  his solid metal body makes him durable and reliable, but his not-so-user-friendly functions make him a bit of a challenging to work with.  like monica, he’s been great on adventures and captured a few of my favorite shots recently.

also included in show will be a few paintings, screen prints, and stained glass pieces!  i sincerely hope you can come by and say hello!!